I found an online life expectancy test. I am excited that I am expected to live to be 88. Now that I know I am safe, I can start smoking and drinking heavily.

Based on your answers to the above questions, your current life expectancy is 88 years. If you're not happy with the result, consider that by adopting a healthier lifestyle and avoiding various risk factors, you can increase your life expectancy by up to 15 years.

Sweet, maybe I can hit 103! Unfortunately, my ideal bodyweight is supposed to be something around 190 lbs, which I don't think is actually possible without losing a leg. Especially once I find a Taco Bell after I leave Philly.

The semester is getting closer to completion. It seems that every five minutes I receive a link to a survey "that I promise will only take five minutes" for various marketing classes. Plus they are all confusing conjoint analysis questions like "would you like pizza with pineapple for $10 or a pizza with sausage and a 1-year warranty for $11." I'm sorry, friends, I cannot click on another surveymonkey link.